Irvin S. Cobb
An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been discontinued.
A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.
Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms.
A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings.
I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.
As I understand it, sport is hard work for which you do not get paid.
Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.
A good storyteller is a person with a good memory and hopes other people haven’t.
If writers were good businessmen, they’d have too much sense to be writers.