Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh.
There’s things that I couldn’t joke about but other people could.
I’m obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.
The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
Even if you’re doing the national insurance awards, there’s still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums.
It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group.
Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I’d stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
I didn’t plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it’s juvenile, but that’s me.
I was a Christian. I didn’t want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
If I’m at home for the weekend – and that is almost never – I tend to get twitchy at about eight o’clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don’t know what to do with myself.
I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you – I am trying to make you laugh.
I go around the country and do a simple gag like, ‘The property ladder is now a snake’ and get a real laugh.
You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.
After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny’s words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.