I certainly made mistakes.
And that’s where I’m finally at today – my life is about being with my family. This is what’s important.
I feel like I’m climbing as well, if not better, than ever.
When I climb a fourteener, a 14,000-foot/4,260-meter peak, in the winter by myself, I leave an itinerary and information about where my vehicle will be parked and the name of the county sheriff to contact in case I don’t get home.
I limited myself to one shout a day. But I didn’t like the sound of my voice. It sounded panicked, it sounded scared. And I knew from experience you can’t hear more than 50 yards either way down a canyon.
What you’re looking at there is my arm, going into the rock… and there it is – stuck. It’s been without circulation for 24 hours. It’s pretty well gone.
I kind of entered a flow state. I’ve been there before while climbing. You are not thinking ahead. You are just thinking about what is in front of you each second.
I’d fallen in love with a woman but she broke up with me and I was devastated. Six months later, I went into a suicidal depression from the break-up of the relationship, but I resolved to not do what my friends had done. And so I reached out for help.
I was accustomed to being in far, far riskier environments. So I thought going into that canyon was a walk in the park – there were no avalanches, it was a beautiful day and I was essentially just walking.
Judging by my degradation in the last 24 hours, I’ll be surprised if I make it to Tuesday.
If you want someone to show up and help you if something bad happens, you’d better tell someone where you’re going. And of course I wanted someone to know – but I’d made a choice and it was a choice I was going to have to live with.
Bring love and peace and happiness and beautiful lives into the world in my honor. Thank you. Love you.